I wonder if I am having a mid life crisis. I am trying to figure out how to reenter the work force after a hiatus of almost nine years but I am having a difficult time identifying what it is that I want to do with my professional life. I would love to write. I have always wanted to write but instead I ended up working in marketing and sales and pursuing an MBA. Now it is later; after cancer and babies, and I keep coming back to the thing that I have always wanted to do. The only problem is that I have to reinvent myself and that isn't easy. I realized that I am fast approaching middle age and I am somewhat obsolete.
This became even more apparent to me the other day. I actually had my first job interview in probably twelve years. I was excited. The whole idea of getting dressed up and talking to someone about my accomplishments was enough to get my adrenaline going. I talked at length with the interviewer about my former life as a mid level manager in a large telecommunications company. I did have a very exciting career and as I talked about it I realized that I had accomplished a great deal. It made me feel good.
Then I took a an assessment to determine whether I knew the software that this company manufactures. I was so sure that I would do okay on one of the packages that I didn't really study the tutorial very well for that one. I did, however, study for the other two tests because I haven't worked with those packages in years. Well, you can guess what happened next. I failed the test on one of the software programs. That burst my newly inflated bubble and made me think long and hard about what I would really like to do.
Then my friend called me about starting a business. She suggested that we import wine from South Africa or Argentina. We could try to sell boutique wines to specialty stores and restaurants. How intriguing, I thought. It would be fun to travel to South Africa and go to vineyards for wine tastings. Never mind that my knowledge of wine is limited to $10 Chardonnay, this could be it. Then I called Jim, a friend of mine who has been involved with buying wine for years. "I don't even like South African wines," he began. He then spent an hour telling me all of the reasons that this was going to be a difficult business for me to delve into. Shoot. Another great idea down the tubes.
When it comes down to it, I keep coming back to the thing that I want to do the most and that is writing. I wrote a book while I was sick in honor of the women who helped me through my cancer. I want to see this published. I want to write this blog and touch any one I can through these words. I also want to pick my children up from school and be there to tell them, "It is okay, mommy is here," when they have had a bad day. I can't do that with a high powered job. So for now I will plug away at my dream and get in the carpool line.