Friday, October 8, 2010

Ode to EB

“Mom, when is EB coming to visit? I miss her so much.” My daughter whined at dinner the other night.

“I am not sure, she is very busy with her new job but she promised to come sometime this fall.”

“But she hasn’t been to visit us for such a long time!”

“I know, she was like your big sister and you miss her.”

“She wasn’t like our big sister, she was like our mom.” Luke chimed in. “She did everything that you did for us when you were sick.”

The conversation was about our beloved babysitter, EB, who was a senior at Villanova the year I battled breast cancer. We have had many conversations over the past three years about EB. Because she was such an integral part of our family during that intense time of our lives, the children hold a special place in their hearts for her. I do too. She really did become part of our family.

It makes me realize how important the support for a patient really is. Having her energy in our house changed our lives in such a positive way. Last spring she came back to visit us and I had a chance to talk to her about the year we spent together, sharing our lives.

I asked her why she decided to give up her senior year of parties and fun to come to our house; a house filled with illness and fear. Here was response.

“Was it only a year that I was with you all? I remember the first time I walked into your house and you mentioned that you had been diagnosed with breast cancer. You were going to be a big appointment and were stressed out. I am not sure how long I had been coming over to the house but, Jeanne, I will never forget the moment that it changed from me being just a babysitter to being a part of this.

It must have been a Friday night. You were getting the results of the axillary node dissection that day. We were still kind of in the “getting to know you phase” of our relationship. I was over helping you that afternoon to get to know the children better and give you some time. Again, I was getting to know you, getting to know the family.

Then you called. I was out. Next door at some stupid Friday night thing. My phone rang and your number t came up.  I answered because I was eager to hear about it. You called me to tell me that the cancer had spread to your lymph nodes. I remember being on the phone and having to leave and walk across the street and process that. This must be serious because you are calling me late on a Friday night. That was when I knew that to me it was more than being a babysitter it was more about me being part of the family and part of this fight.

How could you not be all in? What is going to happen to these kids? What is going to happen to this family? Here I was twenty one and that day everything changed. From that point on it changed from me coming over to take care of the kids for a couple of hours to me taking the kids to school, me picking up the kids and me going to their events at school so that you had the time and space you needed.

I just kept thinking about what I could do to possibly help in this horrible, horrible situation to change things and God, the fact that I even cared enough to answer the phone it scared me. It scared me to throw all of my chips in like that but I knew that it was something way bigger than I had ever experienced and it scared me how much I felt compelled to be a part of that.”


Chez said...

Such a blessing to you and the family Jeanne [tears streaming down my cheeks]
Thanks for sharing.

Jeanne Marren Egan said...

God works in mysterious ways. These young women walked into our lives just at the moment we needed them and were there for us every step of the way.

Jeanne Marren Egan said...

God works in mysterious ways. These young women walked into our lives just at the moment we needed them and were there for us every step of the way.

Alli said...

It's good that you had such wonderful support and back up. it really makes a difference. It was just my son and I, he was there when I was so ill from chemo. He was 16 at the time. He grew up very quickly at the time.

I was diagnosed with the same type of cancer as you, only my tumour was 6cms. and found micrometasteses as well I was stage3 grade3

I added you to my blog roll, i will keep reading.....Alli xx

Jeanne Marren Egan said...

Thanks so much for your comment. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to go through treatment without any support. Thankfully you made it through.